In 2011 I disassembled my life, uprooted and moved to NJ to align my life in spiritual partnership with the man who is now my husband. Having met in the same virtual spiritual community, Brett and I shared a deep resonance and chose to come together and create a life we hope will serve the greater good. Already excited to chart the course of an evolutionary marriage, our unknown terrain expanded exponentially when after living together not even 3 months we discovered a little bun in the oven! Having kids was a possibility we were open to but little Hays came along quite a bit ahead of schedule. Throughout the pregnancy I grappled with feelings that first triggered shame in me: ambivalence about being a mother, fear of entrapment, despair that the life that I felt had just begun was already ending, and grief that Brett and I hadn’t yet had the time just the two of us to fully explore what was possible to bring into the world through our partnership. The irony of this does not escape me for clearly, what was coming into the world through us and in a hurry was this precious little being.
With help from our friends on the path we rooted into the sacred opportunity at hand- to build and hold an evolutionary container for our emerging family; a cauldron for physical, emotional, and spiritual growth. We now find ourselves submerged in experiment that is our lives, humbly hoping to lay down tracks for a new kind of family culture that values awakening and embodied, authentic connection. Can we be a laboratory for pushing the edge of what is possible between family members? Can we dynamically steer a malleable spiritual practice around the physical, emotional and time demands of family life? Can we remember that our family is a microcosm of our human family and always remember to perceive a larger context? So often in our culture people in their 20’s up through their 50’s or 60’s are so focused on career and family that spiritual growth and finding true vocation must wait on the back burner until the children are raised and retirement allows the time to finally allot to such pursuits. How can every moment be the practice?
Ours is an attempt to not wait. Can two spiritual practitioners in their 30’s, newly married and with a little one vying for the majority of time and attention, find a way to wholeheartedly engage the path on which we met? Can our family be the path?